The game of Life

Just after New Year, my family and I drove to the mountains of North Carolina for a little vacation. We planned to soak up the last few days before the kids went back to school with some good solid family time. This was supposed to include a first time experience “skiing.”

I use this term “skiing” loosely. While my husband John is a seasoned skier, I am not. Our kids have hardly even seen snow, or in this case, ice. It did not take us long to recognize our efforts had been a bit ambitious in thinking I would actually learn to ski too. Within just a few minutes, I gladly slipped off my own skis in order to aid in the lesson, as the official “picker up” and “tear wiper.” Yes, there were some tears, and some frustrations. John and I, however, were proud of our efforts. We were being so ScreamFree! We took deep breaths, we took breaks, we administered hot chocolate, and we encouraged each other.

By the end of the day, everyone was exhausted and hungry. We hurried back to our cabin, where I heated the stove and baked a lasagna I had prepared in advance at home. We munched on crackers and cheese. We had treats and desserts left over from holiday baking. Then we sat around the table and prepared for a good old fashioned family game of Life. Sounds great, right?

Wrong. That is the moment it all went south. By now, with full bellies and tired bodies, everyone but me was in crazy mode. I was, on the other hand, in grouchy mode. While everyone else giggled and made funny comments to one another, my frustration level rose. I was the banker, and handling all the money. I missed my own pay day several times, as well as a few raises. I was helping the six year old with her finances and choosing a starter home, while the eight year old and the dad sued each other. I landed on every “bad spot” – I had to pay taxes, I had to change careers twice, and I still owed money from college. The more everyone else had fun, the more I felt my irritation level rise. I just wanted to finish the game, send the children to bed, and watch a quiet movie.

Eventually we got there, but by then I felt kind of embarrassed. When the house was calm again, I had time to ask myself some questions. Why didn’t I just have fun and laugh like everyone else? After all, it really was “just a game.”

So, the next morning, we were in the car, and I wanted to apologize to my family. I said, “I am so sorry I was grumpy last night, and I am sorry I just wasn’t a lot of fun. I want you all to know I am going to enjoy it the next time we play a game.”

My daughter then replied, “Oh Mommy, you ARE fun! You brought the food!”

Well, at that my husband almost fell out the door laughing. My son happily agreed that Mom is really good at bringing food. My daughter really loves to eat, so, I knew well enough to take it as a compliment. I am grateful that I was able to laugh at what she said, and all the circumstances that led to it.

Somewhere deep inside, however, I realized that I don’t want to be remembered as “the one who brought the food.” I recognized that I spend so much time making life “pleasant” for everyone else, that I sometimes am too tired and irritable in the midst of the good times to enjoy them. As much as I love and cherish my family, I shouldn’t always be the one that takes care of all the details. I planned the trip, made the lists, packed the bags, and even prepared homemade food in advance! Even in The Game of Life, I was doing it too – handling the money, the cards, the spinner, the professions, the retirement, everything. No wonder they were having fun, and I wasn’t! The Game of Life had quickly become a metaphor for my own life.

As the newly deemed Food Lady, I realized that sometimes I am so busy “feeding” everyone else, that I do not take the time to feed myself. When I fail to care for myself, I become resentful and frustrated. When I decide I have to control everything on the agenda, I become tired. Worst of all, I forget how to have fun.

We came home and started back into the routine, but the insight remains with me still. What changes will I make in the day to day that will allow me to have more fun, enjoy my family, AND myself? That is up to me. I am the one responsible – not for the food – but for my own happiness.

In the Game of Life, it pays to pay attention. We should move with care around the board, but there should be laughter along the way. For without that, what is the point of playing?

In Wisdom,
Brandi Calhoun Diamond

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