I long to be new

”Behold, I make all things new.”
Rev. 21:5

God, it is a brand new year and I am full of promises.
Advent waiting is over and I am ready for something new,
ready for your promises to hurry up and get started now.
I’ve been patient, at least as patient as I could be –
I am ready for your Epiphany, for my Epiphany –
I am ready for your promises to manifest and show themselves.
I am tired of hide and seek.
I am itching to get going.
I desire to move.
I am asking sacred questions and I am pondering ancient texts.
You are waiting.
You are showing me cocoons and stalling my butterflies.
You are teasing me with shadows slipping around corners
that I cannot see well.
God, I don’t desire to make resolutions.
I don’t desire to plant my flag for what I think should happen.
I want you to find me in this exodus and remind me of a promised land.
But one I can see and taste and breathe in –
Not a land filled with battles and giants I must face.
I am so tired of giants.
But still, I desire to keep walking, to get going, to make a difference.
To feel peace and the rush of good love.
God, please find me here and make me new too.
I want some of that precious promise.
As I start a new year on this calendar,
just as I started that new year in Advent weeks ago,
remind me that calendars are not how you count…
but give me grace as I count the days
in the meantime
until then
while I wait.
I long to be new and be about new things.
Give me the courage to be ready when you are.

Pain can be sacred too… How did we ever get the idea that God would supply us on demand with quick fixes, that God is merely a rescuer and not a midwife?
- Sue Monk Kidd, When the Heart Waits

In Wisdom,
Brandi Calhoun Diamond