July 27, 2008

We just returned from a great vacation. We took our family to Seattle; it was everyone’s first time. And although we enjoyed the sights, the main reason for our visit was to see our friends Pepi & Barbara & their kids. So, we arrived, crossed Puget Sound on the ferry, and headed out of Seattle for their house.

We don’t get to see them very often, obviously. But something about this family is always amazing to me; as soon as we walked through the door, we were in the midst of family again. We felt at home, we got what we needed, everyone connected. In fact, even after we got home, my children were saying they thought “Aunt” Barbara was Daddy’s sister, although that is not the case. How easy it is to be with these friends!

But there is also something beyond the space and place of being together. There is a mental and spiritual connection too. There are the obvious things I could tell you, but this is another way it unfolds for me. These are people you can talk to.

And I don’t mean small talk, coffee talk, what brand of tissues do you prefer talk – although we can do that too. I mean religion and politics kind of talk. While we were there, I began to think of how many late nights we have spent with Pepi & Barbara, discussing the finer merits of spirituality and the next political race, difficult questions in parenting and final wishes for life, old relationships and funny stories, shared tears and the next vacation.

The beautiful thing is, we rarely all agree. But instead of getting “all jacked up,” we can agree to disagree. We remain curious about how the others think another way. We love each other just the same; no, I would say, even more, because of this ability to flesh it out.

There are so few people you can do this with in our world today. I agree with being politically correct and sensitive to others as an evolving part of our growth, but I also see as well as you do how this can go overboard to the point of dysfunction. The dysfunction is found in that many people, in an effort to be correct, make such vast efforts at careful speech that nothing of substance is ever said at all.

Barbara challenged me on this, as a matter of fact. When exploring one controversial topic, she stuck with me to answer a question. She was afraid I might be going into a form of “teaching mode” where I was trying to be correct and therefore preserving my own opinion. What I came to realize in that conversation, and also had space to explain, was that “teaching mode” for me isn’t any different than what I am really working out in my head; for the more I know, the more I realize I don’t know. And the more comfortable I am with the “don’t know.”

This is not to say I don’t have opinions – goodness, anyone who knows me would laugh out loud at the suggestion that I am not opinionated! Yes, I have opinions, and thoughts, and strong feelings – very much so. But I also feel open, and in spaces I feel closed I want to feel more open. Barbara gave me the space to do that – to grabble with my own thoughts, to hear another side, and to meet on that great wrestling mat in the middle.

And after we round table wrestled and got to wrestle our own inner struggles, literally over the dinner table, we moved on with life – dessert, putting children to bed, looking at the mountains, cleaning up. Until the next conversation, when I bet it will happen again.

I am so, so grateful for friendship like that.

I also have come to realize this week even more so why I do what I do with Wisdom, because Wisdom is a place like this too. People often remark to me how different others are in a Wisdom group from them, while at the same time I hear how often people feel they had a space to talk and share and laugh. I think Wisdom is very often one of these places where you can be held and respected, while at the same time being who you are where you are. What I know most deeply is that it is not because I am a great and powerful teacher that this happens; it happens because people are willing to take a chance with each other. We are all the teachers, and we are all the students. People listen to one another, and know they don’t have to convert their own way of thinking – unless at some point they want to do that! For all of this, I am most grateful too.

The friends that will hold you wherever you are – this is a deep and great gift.

I hope you have a wrestling and loving friend. I hope you have someone who will hold you to it, let you talk, enthrall you to listen, give space to your path. This is an essential part of the spiritual journey, but it is also an essential part of the human journey. We don’t always get it right, not by any means. But having a place to hammer and thump, a space to get with the rub, wrapped in kindness – that will get you closer and closer to the place you aim and hope to grow.

Keep wrestling. Keep listening. Amen.

In Wisdom,
Brandi Calhoun Diamond

If you are looking for a place to “hammer and thump,” please consider joining us for Wisdom’s Well, a place to wrestle among friends!

Wisdom’s Well: A Spiritual Gathering of Women
In the Bible, many significant events and conversations happen around wells. Likewise, women today need a spiritual circle of friends that feed them like water. If you are feeling parched and empty, or brimming over with abundance, Wisdom’s Well is the place for you! Focused on contemporary application of spirituality, while honing theological considerations and nurturing friendships, Wisdom’s Well is a place of connection for those who thirst. Join us in this small group for a life changing immersion experience.
This group will meet in the fall, and if interest prevails, may continue in the spring.
6 Wednesdays Sept. 24, Oct. 8 & 22,, Nov.5 & 19, & Dec.3 11:30 am - 1:00 pm
Location TBD $60
Register by: September 10

To register or for our complete course listing, please visit our Orchard at http://www.wisdomem.com/catalog.