November 16, 2008

Recently, my friend James and I were having a serious conversation. At one point, James said something like, “Well, you are just seeking a blessing.” I may not have the quote just right, but this made a thoughtful impact on me. I knew he was right, and it helped give me space to think differently about the situation.

I started to think back through general circumstances, and some specific situations, where we look for blessings in our life. I don’t define “blessings” here as anything light or trite. I am thinking here of hard-earned, life changing, healing handed Blessings. I couldn’t help but think of the story of Jacob at the Jabbok from Genesis.

In this story, Jacob was in a serious and compelling situation. He had so wanted a Blessing earlier in his life that he had twice stolen the birthright of his older brother Esau. Now, with miles of water under the bridge, Jacob finds himself literally at the riverside. Fleeing yet another difficult situation, Jacob must face his brother in order to move forward. He is very much between a rock and a hard place. He sends his family on ahead and has a Come to Jacob meeting. He retreats, spending the night camping alone.

Genesis 32:22 The same night he got up and took his two wives, his two maids, and his eleven children, and crossed the ford of the Jabbok. 23He took them and sent them across the stream, and likewise everything that he had. 24Jacob was left alone; and a man wrestled with him until daybreak. 25When the man saw that he did not prevail against Jacob, he struck him on the hip socket; and Jacob’s hip was put out of joint as he wrestled with him. 26Then he said, ‘Let me go, for the day is breaking.’ But Jacob said, ‘I will not let you go, unless you bless me.’ 27So he said to him, ‘What is your name?’ And he said, ‘Jacob.’ 28Then the man* said, ‘You shall no longer be called Jacob, but Israel,* for you have striven with God and with humans,* and have prevailed.’ 29Then Jacob asked him, ‘Please tell me your name.’ But he said, ‘Why is it that you ask my name?’ And there he blessed him. 30So Jacob called the place Peniel,* saying, ‘For I have seen God face to face, and yet my life is preserved.’ 31The sun rose upon him as he passed Penuel, limping because of his hip. 32Therefore to this day the Israelites do not eat the thigh muscle that is on the hip socket, because he struck Jacob on the hip socket at the thigh muscle.

I have, like Jacob, found myself in a hard place lately. I am between important decisions. While I didn’t steal anyone’s birthright and don’t qualify as a trickster like Jacob, his story has always been a deeply meaningful one to me. He stays alone, wrestles with God all night, and comes away permanently changed. He gets his Blessing, but not before his name is changed and his walk is altered forever. He faces God, and comes away limping. And he has yet to meet his brother again face to face. Who knows what could happen next?

Jacob is never the same in his story after he wrestles with God. Just reading through the pages at face value, you can feel the change in the character. This event changes him forever.

I think we spend a lot of our time seeking Blessings, wrestling at the crossing, and feeling alone.

Through our lives, we want the blessings of our parents, our friends, our children, our dates, our spouses, our teachers, our bosses, our colleagues. We want the blessings of committees and pastors and coaches and leaders and many others. I personally think there is a fine line here – some of this can be REALLY unhealthy – we need to Bless ourselves. But on the other hand, there is a deep part of our human nature that longs to be loved and appreciated.

The lesson from Jacob at the Jabbok is that real Blessings come at tough times where the rubber really meets the road. It is okay to ask for what we need, and to not suffer in silence. But the most important Blessing comes when we get face to face with God and wrestle. Jacob holds on to God so tightly that he won’t let him go. He holds God accountable to the covenant between them, refusing to loosen his grip until things are made right and he is Blessed.

What powerful imagery!

If you are seeking a Blessing, first take inventory – is this something that you want or you need? Is this about your own need to bless yourself? Or, is this a legitimate request of another? What does your crossing look like? What is on the other side – green pastures, or another challenge? Do you feel lonely, or do you need time alone? How do you expect to come away changed? Are you really willing to get face to face with God?

Your story and mine might be different from the story of Jacob, but we can find Wisdom there all the same.

If you too are at the riverside, I wish you courage.

Amen.

Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves.
Live the questions now.
Perhaps then, someday in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.
-Rainer Maria Rilke

In Wisdom,
Brandi Calhoun Diamond

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